Three sentences about chess, Go and backgammon

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Omega Force

Senior Member
Spanish
Hello.

I'm trying to write a personal statement, but there is one small part of it where I'm having some trouble:

"My main hobby is to play chess on the internet. I have a rating of 1950 Elo. I also enjoy two other strategy board games: Go, in which I am ranked 7 kyu ; and backgammon, in which I have rating of 1600 Elo."

The first part of it (the part talking about chess) seems good. But the second part of it (the part talking about Go and backgammon) seems very weird and unaesthetic.

Could you please give me some suggestions to improve it?

Thanks in advance for your answers.
 
  • Florentia52

    Modwoman in the attic
    English - United States
    Do you have a question about a word or phrase in the sentence that particularly troubles you, Omega Force? We need a specific question on which to focus.
     

    Omega Force

    Senior Member
    Spanish
    The question is: how can we reword the following sentence so that it becomes decent? (you're allowed to divide the sentence into two or three sentences)
    "I also enjoy two other strategy board games: Go, in which I am ranked 7 kyu ; and backgammon, in which I have rating of 1600 Elo."
     

    elroy

    Imperfect Mod
    US English/Palestinian Arabic bilingual
    I don't know what 7 kyu is, so I can't judge the grammaticality of I am ranked 7 kyu, but the rest of the sentence looks fine, with the exception of a missing article. I would also use a comma instead of the semicolon.

    "I also enjoy two other strategy board games: Go, in which I am ranked 7 kyu, and backgammon, in which I have a rating of 1600 Elo."

    What is it that bothers you about the sentence?
     

    Keith Bradford

    Senior Member
    English (Midlands UK)
    I think Elroy's wrong about the semi-colon. This is one case where you must use a semi-colon because otherwise you have a jumble of four phrases with commas.

    General rule: when introducing a list with a colon, either divide the elements of the list by commas or, if the elements are long or already have commas in them, divide them by semi-colons.
     

    elroy

    Imperfect Mod
    US English/Palestinian Arabic bilingual
    No, we don't have four phrases. We have two nouns and two relative clauses. One may choose to use a semicolon here - because each of the two items already contains a comma - but it's not required since the meaning is perfectly clear. No one would interpret the two relative clauses as referring to two games.
     

    Florentia52

    Modwoman in the attic
    English - United States
    Without a specific question about a word or phrase, this thread lacks focus. I am closing it, with thanks to all who participated in the discussion.

    Florentia52
    English Only moderator
     
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