To take our precious students to a level

mega21

Member
Persian
Hi, it's me again:) Could anyone please correct or make this text better?
"Our mission is to take our precious students to a level of English proficiency so that they can communicate with others using their new language comfortably."
 
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  • Cagey

    post mod (English Only / Latin)
    English - US
    Hello again mega21. :)

    We need a specific question to answer. Which word or grammatical construction are you unsure of? (If you have more than one question, you will need to start a thread for each question.) We will be happy to help you if you will give us a starting point.

    See this for a fuller explanation: Proofreading/ Text for Correction.

    Everyone else: Please wait until we have a specific question to answer. ;)
     

    mega21

    Member
    Persian
    Ok, I tried to cut some of the text to make it shorter. My specific question is:
    I'm not sure whether "To take someone to a level of something " is correct or not. Maybe you don't use such pattern in English to convey the meaning I intend to convey. To help a group of people to reach from bottom to top. That is what I try to say. Can you help me in this case? Thanks.
     
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    Hau Ruck

    Senior Member
    English - U.S.
    I would say it is good. :) An example from English I would commonly say:

    "I am going to take my game to a whole new level!"

    This would be perhaps a professional sports player saying this. And by saying it, he would mean "I am going to make my playing abilities higher and better than they have ever been before". :D

    So I think that is also close to what you are saying :)

    The only other thing I would suggest (and this does not make it "better" or "worse" I assure you) is to perhaps state it as :

    "Our mission is to take our precious students to a higher level of English proficiency so that they can communicate with others using their new language comfortably."

    This would further communicate that you are taking them to a level that is the best or better. :)
     

    Egmont

    Senior Member
    English - U.S.
    Another issue with this phrase is a matter of style, especially cultural style.

    Most English speakers consider the typical Middle Eastern writing style (in just about any Middle Eastern language) to be too flowery.

    Most Middle Eastern language speakers consider the typical English writing style to be too harsh, too direct.

    So, a native speaker of English would not describe the students as "precious," but would simply say "Our mission is to take our students ..." If asked, he or she would justify this by explaining that the school's mission does not depend on whether or not the students are precious, and that a mission statement should be short and to the point.

    Using the word is not an error. The grammar is correct. The meaning is clear. However, it is a sign that the mission statement was not written by a native English speaker.
     

    Parla

    Member Emeritus
    English - US
    I agree with Filsmith, except that I would drop the adjective "precious", which sounds very strange. We wouldn't refer to students as "precious"; they're just students.

    "Precious" is usually used to describe things like expensive gems.
     

    natkretep

    Moderato con anima (English Only)
    English (Singapore/UK), basic Chinese
    I think whether we use precious or not depends on the audience and what you are trying to signal.

    Although I agree that precious students is unusual in English, there are certain contexts where precious might be used to express affection (say, in a funeral service, you might talk about 'our precious sister in Christ'). In your context, it is unlikely that there is this level of affection.

    However, you might actually want to signal a Middle Eastern point of view, and if your audience are people in the region, I would say go ahead and use precious. If the audience are English speakers in the US, UK or Australia, this use of precious might be irritating and I would suggest its removal.
     

    mega21

    Member
    Persian
    Thank you Egmont, Parla, and natkretep. I learned a very important thing from you today. That is correct, we tend to use such patterns of affection in our speaking and writing often. But, I think I'll keep that "precious", cause our audience are not native speakers.
     

    ride7359

    Senior Member
    "Precious students," like "precious children," has taken on a sarcastic meaning in the U.S. similar to "the little darlings" when the children in question are anything but darling.

    That was my initial interpretation of the post, which led to a bit of confusion.

    I agree that depending on who your audience is, that "precious" is problematic.
     
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