turn a feeling back into myself

[failbetter]

It is in the eighth interview that Mrs. Oak rolls back the first layer of defense, and discovers a bitterness and desire for revenge underneath.

C: You know over in this area of, of sexual disturbance, I have a feeling that I’m beginning to discover that it’s pretty bad, pretty bad. I’m finding out that, that I’m bitter, really. Damn bitter. I—and I’m not turning it back in, into myself…I think what I probably feel is a certain element of “I’ve been cheated.” (Her voice is very tight and her throat chokes up.) And I’ve covered up very nicely, to the point of consciously not caring. But I’m, I’m sort of amazed to find that in this practice of, what shall I call it, a kind of sublimation that right under it—again words—there’s a, a kind of passive force that’s, it’s pas—it’s very passive, but at the same time it’s just kind of murderous.

This is what a patient said during a session of psychotherapy, quoted from the book On Becoming a Person.

I have completely no idea what the bold part means.

 

[owlman5]

Hello, failbetter. The patient does not feel bitterness toward himself. Instead, he feels bitterness toward other things or people.

If he "turned the bitterness back into himself", he would direct that bitterness toward himself and his own actions.

 

[failbetter]

Hello, failbetter. The patient does not feel bitterness toward himself. Instead, he feels bitterness toward other things or people.

If he "turned the bitterness back into himself", he would direct that bitterness toward himself and his own actions.

Thank you very much. And could you explain why the patient uses the word " back"? Why doesn't she simply say "turning it into myself"?

 

[owlman5]

You are welcome. "Back" isn't necessary, but it serves to emphasize the idea that she directs/doesn't direct something toward herself rather than another person/object.

Back into myself is the opposite of out/outwardly toward you/someone

 

[failbetter]

You are welcome. "Back" isn't necessary, but it serves to emphasize the idea that she directs/doesn't direct something toward herself rather than another person/object.

Back into myself is the opposite of out/outwardly toward you/someone

Got it. Thanks again.