This is what a patient said during a session of psychotherapy, quoted from the book On Becoming a Person.It is in the eighth interview that Mrs. Oak rolls back the first layer of defense, and discovers a bitterness and desire for revenge underneath.
C: You know over in this area of, of sexual disturbance, I have a feeling that I’m beginning to discover that it’s pretty bad, pretty bad. I’m finding out that, that I’m bitter, really. Damn bitter. I—and I’m not turning it back in, into myself…I think what I probably feel is a certain element of “I’ve been cheated.” (Her voice is very tight and her throat chokes up.) And I’ve covered up very nicely, to the point of consciously not caring. But I’m, I’m sort of amazed to find that in this practice of, what shall I call it, a kind of sublimation that right under it—again words—there’s a, a kind of passive force that’s, it’s pas—it’s very passive, but at the same time it’s just kind of murderous.
I have completely no idea what the bold part means.