[turn dependent claus independent]

Obolensky

Senior Member
swedish - Sweden
Could this sentence "His attitude is however disturbing the consolidation of the autocratic community."
work synonymous to the depended one (bolded) below?

"However, when the group as a whole begins to follow another headman Ralph is not able to prevent it, but he does not accept his loss of leading the group. Due to his civilised nature he openly criticises the manners of the new oppressive leader. He is stubbornly refusing to subordinate himself to the antagonist's ideas/, but his attitude is disturbing the construction of the latter's autocratic community./. His attitude is however disturbing the consolidation of the autocratic community."*

I'm (still) analyzing the novels Things Fall Apart (Achebe) and The Lord of the Flies (Golding) and "civilization vs. savagery; the loss of innocence; innate human evil; boys/Okonkwo marooned/isolated on the island/the village struggle with the conflicting human instincts that exist within each of them—the instinct to work toward civilization and order and the instinct to descend into savagery, violence, and chaos." (SparkNote Editors)


* It's my writing; it's a part of my essay at http://obogoesmodernenglishliterature.blogspot.se/2013/10/lord-of-flies-golding-things-fall-apart.html
 
  • suzi br

    Senior Member
    English / England
    Just a word of advice on essay style in general. Keep it simple and straightforward! This is the advice of George Orwell, one of the the great essayists of the last century.

    I honestly think that what you are trying to do here is overly complex.

    So re-write I get a few options:

    Ralph's attitude is disturbing the consolidation of the autocratic community

    Ralph's attitude disturbs the construction of Jack's autocratic community.

    I am then left wondering what do you mean by consolitdation / construction?

    I dont really see a good reason for using the progressive tense here. (why use "is disturbing" rather than "disturbs"?)
     

    Obolensky

    Senior Member
    swedish - Sweden
    Consolidation/Construction/-ing form: Well, I think that building a new reign takes time to shape, form it the way the regime wants during a period of time, an ongoing process.
     

    suzi br

    Senior Member
    English / England
    The convention in writing lit. crit. essays is to stick with the simple present tense when describing many thing in the novel.

    You only need to use a progressive structure if there is a specific reason in the bigger sentence or paragraph. From what I can see here you don't need it, but I cannot see the whole paragraph, obviously.

    The best verb for the "starting of a new regime" is probably establish. If you are talking about later on in the book then you can use consolidate, but I would not use construction in this context.

    How about sending us your final version now?
     
    Last edited:

    Obolensky

    Senior Member
    swedish - Sweden
    "However, when the group as a whole begins to follow another headman Ralph is not able to prevent it, but he does not accept his loss of leading the group. Due to his civilised nature he openly criticises the manners of the new oppressive leader. He is stubbornly refusing to subordinate himself to the antagonist's ideas. Ralph's attitude is however disturbing the establishment of the autocratic community."*

    * The argument made [of the essay] is that both Lord of the Flies and Things Fall Apart suggest that an individual is risking his life if his attitudes are challenging the rising tide of a radical takeover within his society.
     
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