'under the influence' of a superior mind

mimi2

Senior Member
vietnam vietnamese
Hi,
Is the underlined part correct?
“Books are written to provide knowledge and good books enrich our mind. By putting ourselves under the influence of superior mind, we improve our mental powers.”
Thanks.
 
  • cuchuflete

    Senior Member
    EEUU-inglés
    By putting ourselves under the influence of a superior mind, we improve our mental powers.”
    It's fine, Mimi.

    Be careful with the phrase under the influence, which is correct here.
    In AE it is frequently used, colloquially, to mean drunk. Driving under the influence is
    AE for drunk driving ( BE-drink driving).
     

    verbivore

    Banned
    USA, English
    I don't like the last sentence much at all. Sorry. I guess it works, but it is not a pleasure to read. These sentence don't really offer much information we don't already know, and they are very wordy.
     

    cuchuflete

    Senior Member
    EEUU-inglés
    I don't like the last sentence much at all. Sorry. I guess it works, but it is not a pleasure to read. These sentence don't really offer much information we don't already know, and they are very wordy.
    Now that you've given some insight into your stylistic preferences, perhaps you would be kind enough to suggest an alternative that expresses the same information in fewer words. Whether "we" already know something or not has nothing to do with the thread starter's question. "These" seems to be an odd term to use in talking about a single sentence.
     

    verbivore

    Banned
    USA, English
    Now that you've given some insight into your stylistic preferences, perhaps you would be kind enough to suggest an alternative that expresses the same information in fewer words. Whether "we" already know something or not has nothing to do with the thread starter's question. "These" seems to be an odd term to use in talking about a single sentence.
    Just a typo; imagine an "s" after "sentence" and you've got it. Sorry for the typo. I type fast and it happens from time to time. I'll try to be more careful in the future. But please bring any further ypos to my attention. Thank you.
     

    verbivore

    Banned
    USA, English
    Hi,
    Is the underlined part correct?
    “Books are written to provide knowledge and good books enrich our mind. By putting ourselves under the influence of superior mind, we improve our mental powers.”
    Thanks.
    Voilà my rework:

    Good books enrich the mind.
     

    verbivore

    Banned
    USA, English
    Hi,
    Is the underlined part correct?
    Books are written to provide knowledge and enrich our mind Good books enrich and empower the mind. By putting ourselves under the influence of superior mind, we improve our mental powers.”
    Thanks.

    Well, this is an exceedingly uncomplimentary couple of sentences, but you are right. Therefore, I added "empower" to express the idea of "improving mental powers." "Putting ourselves under the influence of a superior mind" needs to go. [Chatspeak abbreviation removed.] Also, not all books "are written to provide knowledge" as implied by the original wording; thus I have added the simple qualifier "good." "Enrich the mind" already contains the idea of "providing knowledge", so I dropped this part as well.
     

    coiffe

    Senior Member
    USA
    American English
    Hi,
    Is the underlined part correct?
    “Books are written to provide knowledge and good books enrich our mind. By putting ourselves under the influence of superior mind, we improve our mental powers.”
    Thanks.
    Mimi,

    Cuchu is right that "under the influence" is more commonly used to describe an alcoholic (or other) state -- and that whole second sentence is very awkward, even after editing.

    You might try, simply, "By reading great writers, we greatly improve our minds."
     

    jamesjiao

    Senior Member
    New Zealand English and Mandarin Chinese
    Actually, using 'under the influence of' to refer to 'in a drunken state' isn't just AE, it's also used in NZE and AusE (not sure about BE).

    Anyway my point is the phrase 'under the influence of a superior mind' sounds more like 'being brainwashed by people with higher intelligence", but that's just me.
     
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