upon gathering/when gathering

Discussion in 'English Only' started by Mher85, Dec 27, 2014.

  1. Mher85

    Mher85 Senior Member

    Yerevan, Armenia
    Armenian
    I am hesitating between these three versions. Which of the following do you think is more suitable?
    1. "... upon gathering...."
    2. "... when gathering...."
    3. "... gathering...."
    "I have no doubt that today, upon gathering around the New Year table, we will certainly raise our glasses in a toast to our soldiers and officers, wishing them good service."
     
  2. Copyright

    Copyright Senior Member

    Penang
    American English
    "I have no doubt that today, as we gather around the New Year table, we will raise our glasses in a toast to our soldiers and officers, wishing them good service."

    I'm not quite sure what "good service" might be, but I'll leave that bit to you. I wouldn't use "no doubt" and "certainly," so I dropped one. And frankly, I think you can drop ""I have no doubt that ..." and begin with "Today ..."
     
  3. Mher85

    Mher85 Senior Member

    Yerevan, Armenia
    Armenian
    I am translating the President's New Year message and I cannot drop the "I have no doubt that" part. "Good service" is a result of literal translation. Could you offer a better expression for this occasion?
     
  4. perpend

    perpend Banned

    American English
    I like this usage of "upon". I wouldn't change a thing in your sentence.

    It makes a nice statement that respects the soldiers and officers.

    EDIT: It would be better to put "good service" in quotes.

    ... wishing them "Good service".
     
  5. Mher85

    Mher85 Senior Member

    Yerevan, Armenia
    Armenian
    Thank you, perpend. Do you think I should drop "certainly"?
     
  6. perpend

    perpend Banned

    American English
    No. I might change it to "definitely".
     
  7. Copyright

    Copyright Senior Member

    Penang
    American English
    "I have no doubt that today, as we gather around the New Year table, we will certainly raise our glasses in a toast to our soldiers and officers, and wish them all the best in their service."

    "I have no doubt that today, as we gather around the New Year table, we will certainly raise our glasses in a toast to our soldiers and officers, and give thanks for their service."

    The different endings show what I mean about not knowing what you or the president intends.
     
    Last edited: Dec 29, 2014

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