warmly dressed man

[salvatorej1]

Hi, I wrote a line for a story and a friend of mine says it sounds wrong or not quite right:
"a warmly dressed old man was carrying a heavy sack through a snowy woodland."

She says the issue is in "warmly dressed old man". Please help me understand what she means. Thanks.

 

[heypresto]

Did you ask her what she meant? I can't guess as it sounds fine to me.

 

[salvatorej1]

Did you ask her what she meant? I can't guess as it sounds fine to me.

The actual sentence reads:
"A long time ago on a deep winter’s evening, a warmly dressed old man was carrying a heavy sack through a snowy woodland."

she hasn't given me her final review on my manuscript yet but just briefly mentioned that something wasn't quite right in that bit. I should wait for her full review to ask more but I couldn't wait, hence im asking here (english is not my first language and I thought perhaps I'm missing something as a foreigner?)

 

[pops91710]

a warmly dressed old man was carrying a heavy sack

Sounds like a perfect English sentence to me. Your friend must not be familiar with what warmly dressed means.

 

[salvatorej1]

Sounds like a perfect English sentence to me. Your friend must not be familiar with what warmly dressed means.

Thanks, I needed second opinion. I'll sleep much better tonight 😅

 

[PaulQ]

[she] briefly mentioned that something wasn't quite right in that bit.

1. are you sure it is that part and not "deep winter's"?
2. Perhaps she feels "warmly dressed" should be "warmly-dressed"?

 

[salvatorej1]

1. are you sure it is that part and not "deep winter's"?
2. Perhaps she feels "warmly dressed" should be "warmly-dressed"?

1. what do you understand when you read "deep winter's evening"?
2. perhaps she means that.

 

[LVRBC]

My only referent for anything like deep winter's evening is the Christmas carol Noel: "In fields as they lay, a-keeping their sheep, on a cold winter's night that was so deep." It has a nice archaic sound but I have no idea what it is supposed to mean, and less idea what you mean by your similar expression. Do you mean the middle of winter?

 

[Loob]

I agree with your friend, I think. I don't see any grammatical problem with "warmly-dressed", but I'm not sure it's really what you want to say.

"Warmly-dressed" suggests a pleasant degree of comfort, but carrying a heavy sack through snow would surely be rather stressful for an old man. Beyond that, the sentence sounds as though it's building up tension, and "warmly-dressed" doesn't quite fit with that.

Perhaps it would help if you told us what happens next in your story?

 

[salvatorej1]

Ye

My only referent for anything like deep winter's evening is the Christmas carol Noel: "In fields as they lay, a-keeping their sheep, on a cold winter's night that was so deep." It has a nice archaic sound but I have no idea what it is supposed to mean, and less idea what you mean by your similar expression. Do you mean the middle of winter?

yes, the middle of winter at its deeper cold.

 

[salvatorej1]

I agree with your friend, I think. I don't see any grammatical problem with "warmly-dressed", but I'm not sure it's really what you want to say.

"Warmly-dressed" suggests a pleasant degree of comfort, but carrying a heavy sack through snow would surely be rather stressful for an old man. Beyond that, the sentence sounds as though it's building up tension, and "warmly-dressed" doesn't quite fit with that.

Perhaps it would help if you told us what happens next in your story?

In the following lines its revealed he is Santa Claus. No tension 😅. Its for a picture book. Thanks 👍

 

[heypresto]

In the following lines its revealed he is Santa Claus.

If the revelation comes as a surprise, I think this is an effective way to start the story.

 

[velisarius]

It would be completely normal for anyone of any age to be warmly dressed if they were out in the cold, so it doesn't seem very effective to stress that point. It would be worth mentioning if he were dressed in thin rags.

 

[salvatorej1]

It would be completely normal for anyone of any age to be warmly dressed if they were out in the cold, so it doesn't seem very effective to stress that point. It would be worth mentioning if he were dressed in thin rags.

I agree but if the target audience is between 3 and 6 years old it is not always completely normal to be warmly dressed when out in the cold. They do need to be reminded... things children do... also I found relatable to childrens point of view to create contrast in things they may notice more easily such as cousiness and comfort in clothing in contrast with outdoors temperature.

 

[ain'ttranslationfun?]

"a man in a fur-trimmed coat"? Or would that be giving too much away?

 

[LVRBC]

We can all agree that "warmly dressed old man" is acceptable English, though a hyphen might be nice. That's about as far as our Forum mandate really extends.

 

[RM1(SS)]

We can all agree that "warmly dressed old man" is acceptable English, though a hyphen might be nice.

I was taught not to use hyphens with adverbs ending in '-ly'.