When the autumn strut off

[NoClue]

Hello everyone,
Can I say "the autumn strut off" when I mean "the autumn comes"? By "strut off" I mean the leaves fall in autumn. I am translating a song, and have a space for 4 syllables.

 

[JamesM]

"Strut off" means to leave a location with a strutting gait, not arrive at a location. I don't think that makes sense, given your intent.

("The autumn strut(s) off" is five syllables, not four. )

In English, leaves falling from the trees at Autumn is usually pictured as a type of dying, not a proud parade away from the trees to the ground. It's in interesting image, but I think it would take more than four syllables to get it across.

 

[NoClue]

How about "The fall takes off (clothes/leaves)"?

 

[AngelEyes]

Hi NoClue...

It seems to me you already have your answer in your post.


...Autumn leaves fall...


Does that work, as far as rhythm constraints allow?

EDIT:
I just re-read your post, and I think I misunderstood your question, so I'm adding this other suggestion:


...Autumn winds blow...


AngelEyes

 

[NoClue]

thank you. theres one more thing, the tone goes upwards, so the stress would be on "tumn" not "au". Will that be alright? I'm only afraid the listener cant recognize the word.

 

[AngelEyes]

I'm humming the word both ways in my head and I really prefer the emphasis on tumn anyway, so no, I think it should be fine.


AngelEyes

 

[JamesM]

I'm humming the word both ways in my head and I really prefer the emphasis on tumn anyway, so no, I think it should be fine.


AngelEyes

I'd have to disagree. au-TUMN sounds very odd to me. The emphasis is on the first syllable - AU-tumn - unless it is the adjective - au-TUM-nal. At least, that's how it works for me.

With the emphasis on the second syllable, it could sound like "Aw.. Tum!" or "Ah, Tom!" to a listeners. Natural stress is a very important part of lyrics.

 

[AngelEyes]

Hi James,

When it comes to music, it all depends on the placements of notes, don't you think?

Minor or major keys.

Rhythms and melodies really direct the lyrics.

Mood and phrasing also lend additional support.

It's a whole combination of things, I suppose. You really can't judge anything until you hear the whole.

So with respect to all of this...I can say without hesitation, you're right! (But then, I don't think I'm wrong. )



AngelEyes