word order and word choice

cold

Member
Persian
Please correct the sentences below,if needed.

"According to the analysis performed in the cities X and Y between 1996 and 1998, 2% of the total population had Carcinoma,also the percentage of Carcinoma in patients with endoscopy examination was 23%(in the same cities and in the same period of time)."

thanks in advance.
 
  • cold

    Member
    Persian
    1)Is there any alternative for the word examination?
    2)How to say the passage without the explanation between parenthesis?
    3)Can we use "whole population" instead of "the total population"?
     

    bibliolept

    Senior Member
    AE, Español
    1) "patients receiving/undergoing endoscopies."
    2) You might write:
    "According to the analyses performed in the cities of X and Y between 1996 and 1998, 2% of the general/total/overall population had carcinoma, and the occurrence of carcinoma in patients that underwent/received endoscopies was 23%.
    3) See 2).
     

    Prairiefire

    Senior Member
    US (Midwest) - English
    No, the patients did not do the endoscopy; the doctors or medical technicians did.

    The patients had endoscopic examinations.
     
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