You know, keep in touch and write me whenever you feel like doing it.

russian80

russian80

Banned
Ukraine- Russian & Ukrainian
What would be an very informal, casual actually, shorter colloquial version of "You know, keep in touch and drop me a line whenever you feel like doing it" ?
 
    • Hello, russian80.

    Please ask a specific question about the particular part you are worried about. We don't check work over for mistakes or do rewrites.

    Cagey,
    moderator
     
    I am not asking to rewrite it but to provide a short casual, colloquial and idiomatic equivalent.
     
    Copyright said:
    What specific part of the sentence concerns you? If you can tell us that, we can help.
    Click to expand...
    "You know" sounds a bit too trite. I need something somewhat oafish that a 8-year-old, unsophisticated child feeling awkward would use to start a sentence with a touch of delicate yet uncouth shyness.
    Then there is "whenever you feel like doing it" which sounds too formal, unemotional and likely to be used by a rather educated adult, not a total boor.
     
    Thank you for the very specific information – if you hadn't told us, we would never have guessed.

    "You know" is used by everyone, especially eight-year-olds. For the rest, just shorten it. One thought: "You know, stay in touch if you feel like it."

    If you don't like "You know," you can use "Well."
     
    An oafish 8-year-old might start with "Hey", and he would probably not use a long sentence. He might say "Hey, keep in touch, OK?"
     
    dojibear said:
    An oafish 8-year-old might start with "Hey", and he would probably not use a long sentence. He might say "Hey, keep in touch, OK?"
    Click to expand...
    Yes, this is close to what I'd like to have, however, "Hey" sounds a bit too assertive. I need something coy.
     
    In AE, I don't think you are allowed to call a boy "coy" (even if the definition seems to fit). He'll get mad, his parents will get mad, everyone will get mad. I'm pretty darn mad already!:eek: It's a term used for females. Perhaps you mean "shy"?

    Is the phrase you are constructing supposed to be something an 8-year-old speaks, or writes in an email, or text-messages?
     
    The oafish eight-year old that still dwells within me doesn't feel happy about beginning with "you know..." "Look..." might do the job.

    Would this be a British 8-year-old or an American one...or should it sound neutral? A girl or a boy? Is this speech or an email?
     
    I would read that sentence as completely passive-aggressive :)

    The concept of 8 year olds keeping in touch just seems a bit alien to me, especially if it involves letters or phone calls.
     
    russian80 said:
    I need something somewhat oafish that a 8-year-old, unsophisticated child feeling awkward would use to start a sentence with a touch of delicate yet uncouth shyness.
    Click to expand...

    Sorry, but I think you are asking much too much from a word. I do not believe there is any English word or phrase which conveys all of these:

    somewhat oafish,
    unsophisticated,
    childish,
    delicate,
    uncouth,
    shy
     
    velisarius said:
    "Look..." might do the job.
    Would this be a British 8-year-old or an American one...or should it sound neutral? A girl or a boy? Is this speech or an email?
    Click to expand...
    "Look" or "Umm" are used in a much wider variety of contexts and do not have a specific emotional connotation in spoken English that I am looking for.
    It doesn't matter if it is AE or BE; a soft-spoken (kind of a bumpkin who is being emotional) boy or girl should be likely to use it. So there is touch of tentativeness here.
     
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